Tammy Croucher writes a sexxy, smutty and hi-larious blog, where she dishes advice for ladies and gentlemen to keep in mind when getting laid, trying to get laid, or thinking about getting laid. I asked her put together some fashion related tips especially for you, my lovely readers, to help us out when knockin' boots.
|Tammy keeps it realz|
Dudes love school girls. It may not be right, fuck it's probably not even moral but it's true. Now I don't mean go and fish out your uniform from the attic (unless its after hours and you have a man in your bed), I mean channel Clueless and get your 90's steeze on. Maybe even a little denim playsuit, over the knee socks and vintage sneakers OR socks with round toe heels and a sexretary outfit? They are hella cute and make hearts race. Just try and avoid the stripey ones OK? Emo is so 2004.
WEAR UNDERWEAR AS OUTERWEAR
Like a vintage 1950's petticoat as a skirt with a little cardigan. If you have the balls for it (sorry) go GaGa and wear a full bra as a top with high waisted jeans, a statement necklace and shoes that are nothing other than a work of art. *Note: You need the GaGa bod for this. If not, you can wear a sexy teddy as a bodysuit with a pencil skirt. A hint of lace and slither of satin will make him wanna take it off. With his teeth.
CONFIDENCE IS KEY
Yes I know, nothing new here. Everyone has been telling you to 'be yourself' and 'have confidence' since you were an ankle biter. That's 'cause it's true! The most ridiculous outfit can be pulled off with a bit of attitude. Nothing says pitiful like a girl standing against the wall covered in sequins and loads of make up with her arms folded and staring at her shoes. Work the room and act like your outfit is the coolest fucking one there.
TRENDS ARE GREAT IF THEY SUIT YOU
Look love, if you are as thin as Kate Moss then the pin up style and high waisted stuff just looks funny. You need to be able to fill it. i.e. it needs tits and ass. And if you are carrying a little more meat and gravy on your bones, then you might wanna rethink midriff tops and those bodycon dresses. I know everyone is like 'wear what you want, who gives a shit?!' but lets get real please. One look is not better than the other, it's just how you work it. I haven't been able to wear a bikini for years! So what? My little 1950's sailor one piece hugs my bumps in all the right places.
NO UGG BOOTS PLEASE!!!
MAYBE around the house...or like if you live in Canada. But ugly shoes make you unfuckable.
Love, Owl x
Read more Fashion Tips To Get You Laid
See Tammy's blog, "Obnoxious Owl" here.